someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
