i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
