I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
