the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
