Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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