He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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