I think I won the penis lottery.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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