remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
