my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
My pussy is not your playground.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dick has a subreddit
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
