Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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