I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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