Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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