he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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