the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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