Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
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