The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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