He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just want nice things and good sex
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I deserve this hangover.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
