dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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