i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
