So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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