Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
