If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
either way he was missing a nipple.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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