God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
