This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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