Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
