do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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