She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
