and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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