so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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