when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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