but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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