i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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