I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I woke up under a house in Key West
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