wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
