I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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