I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
