please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
