Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize