He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
