remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
