Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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