I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
