Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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