don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
this must be what syphilis tastes like
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
