He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
