Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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