i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my shit smells like andre
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
