Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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