The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
