I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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