i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There r osticjed everywhere
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
