I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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