Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
