Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
