Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
