Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
