Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
