...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize