I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
