Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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