I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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