I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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