Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
