I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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