I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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